photos by Milkman Photography

The booze beginning

I did not grow up with queer people around me in rural Kentucky. But, I did have a fabulous, good country woman as a grandmother. She taught me how to cook, how to be myself no matter what anyone thought, and how to fight to survive in a world that punishes those of us who lean into being fearlessly embellished. 

This is to say that I inherited much of myself from her. After she passed away when I was 15, I was surprised to learn that she was an alcoholic for my entire life. I say this not to shame her or judge her. I pay tribute to what she survived every single day, but I have also had to reckon how I was taught to survive.

When I first went to college in Boston in 2018, I felt freer to be in queer community. There were many nights where I made some of the best memories of my life, and there were more nights that I do not remember. I spent a lot of time at gay bars. These spaces felt safe for my friends and me, but I began noticing negative impacts. My chronic pain was worse. I was spending money I did not have to spare. I did multiple things that would leave me waking up embarrassed, apologizing to my friends for things I could barely remember, and partaking in the classic “hair of the dog” just to keep it movin’. 

It was around this time that I reckoned I inherited much more than my grandma’s fiery spirit. 

Over the last three years, I have cyclically decreased my drinking, passively picked it back up, had things get out of control, and tried again to get a grip. It’s been an excuse for me to drop out of reality and responsibility, as well as a coping mechanism. It’s also constantly around me, as going out with my queer friends usually means chugging a few vodka red bulls (sugar free, if they got it).

The booze reckoning

In early February, I decided to fully quit drinking for the first time in my life. I did this in coordination with the 2024 Kentucky Legislative Session starting, knowing that I would be covering the anti-LGBTQ+ legislation for Queer Kentucky as their political correspondent. I first covered these topics in 2023’s session, and it took an incredible toll on my mental health. 

The rhetoric of this legislation is cruel and violent. While I knew this coverage was necessary for our community to know how we are being targeted, I also could see the devastating impacts of this legislation on my community. It has weighed on me tremendously, as I know it has for anyone in the LGBTQ+ community and for those who love us. In the 2023 Legislative Session, I noticed that I returned to my cycle of drinking. This was oftentimes with other queer people: activists, organizers, and people who understood the reality our community was and is facing. 

For the 2024 Legislative Session, I did not want to give my spirit and health to the politicians and syndicates pushing this legislation. So, I quit drinking. And, I have been sober from alcohol since.

It has been difficult. In addition to the addictive tendencies I inherited, part of the difficulty comes from still wanting to go out and be social. This is why I was so excited when I learned that somewhere I liked to go when I was still drinking, Trouble Bar, offered $1 mocktails of most of their drinks. 

Beyond the booze

Nicole Stipp and Kaitlyn Owens, co-owners, have had family members and friends who have struggled with substance abuse. So, Trouble Bar was created as a space that would accommodate their lived experiences. Stipp shares, “Part of our inexpensive non-alcoholic beverage program is because we view Trouble Bar as a third space that we hope you can engage with in a large or small monetary exchange – or even none at all!”

The owners believe that third spaces, “a gathering point that is neither work nor home,” are hard to come by. Part of the accessibility of the third space fostered includes having “movable furniture, a mobility-impaired accessible space, and a staff of kind, friendly folks who are all a part of making the Bar a place where people want to come together.”

Half of the ownership of Trouble Bar is queer, and day-to-day, they see a lot of queer patrons. Nicole believes this is due to intentionally designing “our hiring process, our menu, and our physical space to be centered on being welcoming and kind.” 

She continues, “You can hang up all the queer art and queer flags you want, but if your staff don’t welcome ALL folks in with open arms, that mission is much harder to accomplish.”

Stipp points to the last few years as reminding us that loneliness can wreak havoc on our society, and how “it’s an honor to be able to create a space that folks feel like they can come and socialize no matter their interest or ability to consume alcohol.”

Founder of Kentucky based brand KFR, Kasey Guelda, shares that this time during lockdown was where he reflected on his overconsumption of alcohol. Through making different functional beverages at home as a hobby as an alternative to alcohol, sugary soda, or vinegar-like tasting kombucha, Guelda came across water kefir. A probiotic, fermented, non-alcoholic drink, KFR’s water kefir has up to 3x the amount of probiotics as kombucha and 2 grams of sugar or less depending on the flavor. 

Kasey grew up in the gay scene, and this involved lots of drinking alcohol. While he acknowledges there were other facets of gay life, this was what the media and his peers showed him. “My days were consumed with looking cute, getting f’d up at the bar, and where the next party was,” Kasey says. 

Kasey felt cut off from some queer community when he quit drinking. To combat this feeling for others, Kasey shares, “Having enjoyable alternatives makes everyone feel like they can be included in those spaces.”

Eric Wentworth and J.D. Mitchell, co-founders of the Kentucky based cocktail and mocktail mixer-making business Modica, expressed similar sentiment in wanting to have options that were inclusive. As gay men, the owners know that gay bars were an important space for queer people, and that queer people tend to drink more than other demographics. 

Their offerings not only make conscious intake and sobriety more fun and accessible, but also full of flavor and full of far less sugar than other mocktail options.

“Although we both drink alcohol, we take breaks frequently and we’re often looking for non-alc options that are just as delicious and elevated as the cocktails we’re used to. We love working with gay bars to offer Modica mocktails so anyone who isn’t drinking doesn’t feel left out, or doesn’t feel like the only option is juice or soda,” says Wentworth and Mitchell.

They continue to share that mindset is everything, because, “if you know why you’re doing something, especially if it’s for your long-term health, is great motivation for making a change.”

It is because of folks attempting to make sobriety inclusive and accessible that this pursuit has been far less lonely for me than it otherwise would be. It’s because of my own motivation as well as people like them that I have learned I do not have to blackout in order to have fun, let go, and shake some ass.