What is your name? 

Beth Merrill

 

In what city and county do you live?

Jefferson County, Louisville

 

What are your pronouns?

She/Her

 

What does the word Queer mean to you?

I think queerness can be an identity, an attitude, and a form of resistance.

I define queerness is an umbrella for the experience of gender/sexuality deviations from the norm. As a cisgender woman, I identify more with the sexuality side of queerness. Understanding the word took such a weight off of me since I stressed over labels during my teenage years. I felt that somehow my sexual orientation was less valid if it changed over time. Labeling myself as queer took away all that pressure, and it also made me feel more connected to the LGBTQ+ community as a whole. Queerness is a lifestyle and outlook in my eyes, and the beauty of it is how it includes different spectrums of identity. 

 

What was it like growing up as a Queer person in Kentucky?

Growing up queer was incredibly difficult and isolating. I grew up in a conservative Christian bubble, being a pastor’s daughter and homeschooler. There’s nothing inherently evil about that community- in fact many of them are truly coming from a place of love. Most, however, saw any deviation from the norm as a threat and a shame. As a woman in that community, I was expected to be very traditionally feminine and agreeable. Even though I got along with everyone growing up, I always felt like an impostor in these conservative settings. I remember the moment that I first acknowledged the feelings I was having towards another girl as a 12 year old. I struck that down immediately and determined that queerness would never be a part of my lifestyle. It took years of therapy, community, and deconstructing to get that internalized homophobia out of my system, and it still comes up for me occasionally because of my upbringing. 

When I was 16, I had my first girlfriend, which was of course a secret. (We’re still together six years later!) I didn’t tell anyone for two years- not even my best friends. My family members accidentally found out, which lead to a lot of heartbreak and trauma within our family. There was a lot of distance and pain between us for many years, and it was just a mess. In all of the mess, I was outed to everyone I knew. I quickly braced for backlash, which I did receive. But I also received an overwhelming and surprising amount of support. I went to college soon after, which became a haven where I could learn, heal, and meet people. I’m so grateful for the queer community I’ve found since then.

 

What would you say to any person struggling to come into their own identity?

If it’s your family that you’re worried about- give it time. It is really annoying advice to receive, because sometimes it seems so impossible that your parents could ever fully accept you. Trust me, it’s common advice for a reason. When I was outed to everyone in my life, I was 100% sure for years that my parents would never accept me. Yesterday, my girlfriend and I went to grill out and swim at my parents, and they gave her hugs, a graduation gift, and an invite for next time. I was no-contact with my parents for a long time, and I truly never thought we’d get to that place. Being outed into my conservative family and community was the most absolutely hellish experience I’ve endured, but all things eventually change. That’s the beauty of change I think-  the bad thing is that everything changes, but the good thing is also that everything changes. It’s taught me to hold tight the things that I love and hang on while the bad parts inevitably fall away. My parents and I have a relationship that I never thought we’d have, and I am so grateful to my younger self for hanging in there, doing the work, and giving it time.

 

What issue are you most passionate about in the Queer community? And what do you think the best solution or approach would be?

Because of my background, I care deeply about the church’s response to queerness. I would love to see more love, facts, and sensitivity within the church. I’m a spiritual person, but no longer religious, although I can appreciate some of the religious themes I grew up with. Regardless, it’s obvious how the modern church has skewed the teachings and character of Jesus to fit a conservative, capitalistic, and misogynistic perspective. The Jesus that I was taught about growing up would never treat the LGBTQ community the way the church does, and that is something that desperately needs to be addressed. I don’t think anyone really knows how to solve such a complex issue. I think it has to start with the bravery of individuals to set a positive example within the church. The ripple effect of showing true, unconditional love for people in your community can be world changing.

 

Where have you found community?

I found my community in Lexington when I moved there to go to UK. I recently moved away, which has been a really difficult change, honestly. It has made me really reflect on what and who community is to me. I met most of my queer friends in school or classes separate from school. The rest are mutual friends of the friends I met in school.

The other way I have found community is by actually getting out into my community! Shopping local as much as possible (and it’s not always possible) can really expedite your connection and appreciation for the people and businesses in your city. It is incredibly rewarding and fun, although it’s less convenient sometimes.

 

How have recent political changes affected your life? 

I don’t think any of us can comprehend or explain the absolute devastation of the past year in America and the rest of the world. I have absolutely felt a more anti-queer shift in the culture lately on the internet and in my new city. People are more open about their bigotry on social media because it’s more commonly accepted. I definitely feel myself subconsciously toning my queerness down to fit in. But this is the time to use our queerness as a protest! I have gained a feeling of control by trying to stay educated on world events, boycotting the hell out of so many corrupt companies. A good resource for this is the app Goods Unite Us, which gives a report on different corporation’s political contributions and current boycotts.

 

What are some ideas you have for bringing other queer people together for community?

We really need more community events, especially outside of college towns. It’s so hard to make friends in real life once you leave that walkable-city community system. They don’t necessarily have to be LGBTQ+ exclusive, but it should be known that they are a safe space. 

 

What are some LGBTQ+ experiences/artists that have helped you express the struggles or the joy of being queer? 

I really love Ethel Cain, and her music has really helped me process my Christian Preacher’s daughter upbringing. It has oddly helped me positively reframe my upbringing. I love music and concerts in general, so concerts have been some of my most special queer community experiences. 

 

Are there any specific queer friendly places you’d like to highlight and share with the rest of the community? 

In Lexington- High on Art and Coffee, Lex Creative Reuse, Lussi Brown Coffee Bar, Alchemy Body Piercing, Sqecial Media, Subject Matter, The Domestic, White Willow Emporium, and of course the Bar Complex. 

In Louisville- Artist and Craftsman Supply, Nitty Gritty Vintage, Heine Brother’s Coffee.

 

If you have some accomplishments you’re proud of, share them here! The accomplishments of queer people are something that should be celebrated!

I am an aspiring photographer, and I recently shot my first wedding alongside a mentor of mine. I also had my first couple’s shoot and I am going to be booking more soon! I am a harpist as well (17 years!), and I recently played my first wedding with another one on the books for November. It is really amazing to be able to pursue my creative side as a career, and I am so grateful to have an amazing part-time job that supports me while I grow my businesses.