Q: What does the word queer mean to you? How do you identify?
A: Queer means on the fringe to me. Anything that isn’t white and straight. I identify as a queer woman and trans femme.
Q:Why? Or why don’t you identify as anything at all?
A: I’ve done the whole “wow being a boy fucking sucks i don’t like this at all” thing my entire life, since I was maybe 3. Why not is the better question at this point. It was really a do or die kind of thing, although I still want to die.
Q: Where are you originally from and explain how was it growing up/living in Kentucky?
A: My mom is from Louisville but was raised in Los Angeles. We lived around there, San Fransisco, Pasadena, and Fresno until she needed to jump ship from the state after some bad relationships, and decided to run back home to Louisville to her mom. It was a big ole mistake and i’m eternally bitter. Growing up in Kentucky was honestly kind of miserable, kind of not. I’ve always socially acclimated well — either as a wallflower or a firework. As a kid, I hid my trans identity and hid amongst all the mean girls, and then when I came out people became more interesting. The hardest thing has been dating. Everybody wants to fuck me, but nobody is interested in being identified as queer with me.
Q: What would you say to any person struggling to come into their own identity?
A: Just do it. Honestly, you aren’t living till you’re living as yourself. I lived a half ass, half dead live for so long. I’m so happy my depression and dread comes from other people instead of myself.
Q: How does your own identity run how you carry yourself? Or does it?
A: It made me more defensive and confident. I try not to give people room to tear me down, because people who are insecure with themselves love doing that. At least, outwardly, I try not to, but once someone gets close enough, all bets are off. I’ve been living my life in pieces for a while, but I try to make sure people don’t know at a glance. Being fake confident lead me to get a lot of compliments since so many people aren’t living as themselves, it seems impressive. So, I guess I became impressive? I’m really not.
Q: What issues do you see in the queer community?
A: Lack of intersectionality. So many people don’t realize we’re only as strong as our weakest links, and there are so many factors that come into that. We need to broaden ourselves as a community because people who aren’t queer aren’t going to accept us. It’s just tragic to see scape goats scape goat someone else. like, get real? you aren’t one of them no matter how hard you try. Enrich yourself and your people.
Q: Do you feel excluded from the “mainstream” queer community? Why or why not?
A: Since i’m a fairly passing transwoman, I guess I am the mainsteam. People find me acceptable because they like how i look. I’m the token more often than not. I’ve heard a lot of people who compliment me scoff at other transwomen or gender-variant people and it’s kind of annoying what people say in confidence.
Q: Where do you feel “at your best” (safe, happy, fabulous, comfortable, etc)
A: At home with my boyfriend used to make me feel safe and best sometimes, but since I had a really messy break up, I feel best in the office. I’ve really been focusing on working and making money. Everything else is kind of painful for me, especially at home. I rearranged my entire apartment but it still feels like shit. Don’t let other people into your safe spaces if you aren’t sure about their permanence.
Q: Who influenced the life you live now?
A: My anti depressants and anti anxiety meds, for sure. I’m able to work well and pretend i’m neurotypical for my 9-5, so when I get home I have my little melt downs and start over. Occasionally I do music. I actually had my first show. I promote as “Tsumi” and I’m available on Spotify, but my music is kind of halted right now. More things are coming, though. Probably.