Stories of Hope: A gay man’s journey into recovery from drugs and alcohol
by Richard Addison He/Him/His
Queer Kentucky was built on a foundation of community. And as an organization that lives and breathes community, we are acutely aware of when our members are hurting. LGBTQ+ people are succumbing to substance use disorder at an alarming rate and Queer Kentucky is determined to loudly discuss this topic through a series of stories of hope and recovery. We hope to instill hope into those who think they cannot come back from the dis-ease of addiction. You can recover…we can recover.
My name is Richard Addison. I identify as a member of the LGBTQ+ community. I am also a Person of Color and a Person of Size. I also identify as a recovering addict. My current clean date is March 15, 2021. I was using alcohol, cocaine, crack, molly, crystal meth, food, and sex.
This story begins in my hometown of New York City. It was June of 2000. I just turned 18, just graduated high school, and I just came out and identified myself as a gay male. My knowledge of the LGBTQ+ community back then was limited to what I saw on tv & film. As a Person of Color and a Person of Size, I did not see too many role models within the LGBTQ+ community that I was able to relate to. So, I started the process of people-pleasing just to fit in and feel like I belonged.
The only way to connect to the community that I knew of at the time was the nightclubs and this is where alcohol, cocaine, and crack came into play. I had very little self-confidence and even lower self-esteem, so I turned to alcohol and drugs to fit in and feel good about myself. The drug and alcohol addiction started to mix in with a newly formed sex addiction. I was obsessed with sex and soon developed an unhealthy connection with drugs and sex. When things started to get out of control with my life, I quit drinking and drug use and after working during the summer of 2007 at Cedar Point, decided to move to the Northern Kentucky area in 2008.
I was doing well for a while, only drinking on the weekends thinking that I could control it. In 2013, I moved to New Orleans and became a bartender. I figured that if I worked as a bartender, I would not get obsessed with drinking because I would be surrounded by it all the time so I would not want to drink. I was wrong. My drinking in New Orleans led to molly and crystal meth. I was still going through self-esteem issues and was still under an unhealthy thought process about sex and how I needed it to feel good about myself. In addition to the drugs and alcohol, I also used food to cope with negative feelings. This led to me losing jobs, places to stay, friends & family, and my health. It was then that I realized that I needed help. So I began my recovery journey. Part of my recovery journey included going to treatment facilities and moving back to the Northern Kentucky area in 2016. and living in a sober living house.
There have been some ups and downs during my recovery journey. I had to adjust by following the suggestions of a 12-step program, which at first I took as rules. because my perspective of these suggestions was ruled, more often than not I found myself relapsing numerous times. Another challenge I had in recovery was that I didn’t address my self-esteem issues about my weight as well as trying to fit in the LGBTQ+ community. Over the years, I became more and more proud of being a gay male and found it challenging to find other people in recovery who could relate to my struggles.
Fast forward to 2021. I was in a 12-step recovery program, but I did not put full, honest efforts into my recovery. Then on March 12, I went on a three-day binge of crystal meth and risky sexual activities. On the morning of March 15, I took a look at my life and made the honest and serious decision to get my life together. I sought out help, took the 12-step program that I was in seriously, and worked on my confidence and self-esteem. I stopped using my identity as a member of the LGBTQ+ community as an excuse. Instead, I fully embraced being a member of the community, which let me to people from all walks of life into my recovery support network. I also learned not to use food as a coping skill and developed healthier eating patterns. Today, I am a peer support specialist, sharing my experience to help others create healthy coping skills so they can create a better life for themselves. I am also finishing what I started a long time ago by attending college to obtain my bachelor’s degree in Human Services. I no longer disrespect or abuse sex. As for my self-esteem, I am proud of all aspects of myself. Any changes I want to make will be for the right reasons.
For anyone reading this who is looking for suggestions or help. I am happy to offer ways that helped me. First, remember that you are not alone. There are members of the LGBTQ+ community as well as allies of the community that have similar experiences that you are going through. This leads to my next suggestion of speaking out and asking for help. Reach out to a friend, family member, or other people that you trust. You can also reach out to places within the community for help. Some of these locations accept a variety of insurances and some locations are available at no cost to you. My third suggestion is to connect with other people to grow your support network, which ties into my first suggestion. With a support network, you are never alone. My final suggestion is to never give up. There are a variety of different recovery programs and solutions. If the first one doesn’t work, try another one. keep trying until you find a program that is right for you.
I hope that telling my story is helping. My final thought is that of a special message to you:
You are special. You are appreciated. You are never alone. You are loved. You can have a good life. There is help if you are struggling. Reach out.
