Being Queer Education Gender

Oh shit… I’m Bi and Fat!

Jasmin Kowalski

Photo credit: South Korean Feminist Journal

Bisexuality is not a term that is easily defined- it differs from one person to another. The basics are that bisexual humans are attracted to more than one gender, which hello- that’s me! This is not just about me being bi, this is about being bi and fat. Double whammy- two breaks from social acceptability. Now, we do live in the land of 2019 where every body is beautiful and sexual orientation is not something to be judged by, but getting to this point was an issue. I have been singled out in school, jobs, friend groups, and family as the confused girl who eats a lot of cake. I mean, they’re not necessarily wrong. For reference, I am a 5’8 and 230 pound plump bottomed girl full of pasta and treats.

Coming out to family with your sexual orientation is a different experience for everyone. For me it looked like my parents being in denial and never bringing up the fact that I like titties just as much as any straight cis male, until it could be used to cut into my ego for being over the weight my mother would like me to be. Receiving passive comments on diets and calorie counting is a way of life for me when visiting home with the occasional one-sided conversation about how women not being attracted to other women that are fat. This obviously is wrong, but for years it was something that I internalized, as I’m sure many others have as well.

Bisexuality has been looked at as someone being confused or is too scared to commit to one gender. While this may be the case for some, it is not the majority. I’ve been told countless times that I just need to get it over with and choose a side. Let’s be real here, how can I choose a side when there are millions of beautiful women and attractive men out there. I mean HELLO, can’t a girl just be greedy for a bit? On a serious note, there is no choice when it comes to what is attractive and a turn on, as it is all natural.

So what does it mean to be both fat and bi? In my experience, it has been a middle ground of judgement. I’ve been pushed away by both straight and gay communities because I am not straight enough or gay enough to be around. I have tried to prove myself worthy while also fighting the norms of women only being thick in the ‘appropriate’ areas. If you’re not skinny you’re questioned even more on your sexuality; you’re seen as desperate or unworthy. You’re not attractive to cis white males in their off-balance fantasy of gay women while also not believing in gay rights.

 Being fat and bi is a constant up-hill battle of proving my worth as a human who enjoys eating carb-heavy food on dates with both men and woman. It is the uncomfortable feeling when people pry into your sexual life and tell you it’s wrong. It is the aggravating shopping trips with the choice of either the regular side of the store with an XL shirt that doesn’t fit but is still fashionable, or the plus size section where everything fits like a rectangular potato sack.

All-in-all, it is hard being fat and bisexual, but isn’t life hard for everyone? Stop assuming that someone is healthy or un-healthy by their body weight. Stop pushing people away because their spot on the spectrum of gay and straight is different than yours. Stop the passive-aggressive push on diets and teas that make you shit your pants. Enjoy life and the people within it. Embrace us thick bisexual people because I promise we know how to have a good time and where all the best treats are.

2 thoughts on “Oh shit… I’m Bi and Fat!”

  1. Omg, this is my life, 100%. Except I’m not out – family has no clue. Boyfriend knows. He doesn’t care – as he’s secure in our relationship. But damn, it’s so hard to meet girls anymore, that I don’t know where to turn!

  2. Thank you for speaking out about this. I relate to this 100% My parents know and they still say it’s a phase. On top of trying to find clothes that will appeal to both genders.
    This is not talked about a lot.
    Us girls need to support one another.
    E”us thick bisexual people because I promise we know how to have a good time and where all the best treats are.”

    Exactly well spoken for all us thick Bi women!

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